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Machete Kills 

Close ups of boobs

click to enlarge Totally realistic
  • Totally realistic

Made over a weekend with a budget of twenty bucks, Machete Kills exists. In a movie that's entirely stunt-casted, super-killing human weapon Machete (Danny Trejo, looking his age) returns on a secret mission from the US president (Charlie Sheen, that's the joke) to hunt down a Mexican terrorist attempting to nuke Washington with help from a pre-cog arms dealer (Mel Gibson). There's all the puns, bad special effects and "grindhouse" references that so amused Robert Rodriguez in his first Machete feature. A theme of empowering disenfranchised Mexicans through action hero narrative doesn't connect, since unlike BFF Tarantino, Rodriguez would rather focus on overcooked jokes and closeups of titties. Naturally, there's already going to be an equally superfluous sequel to this sweaty premise. As something for Robert Rodriguez to masturbate to, Machete Kills serves its purpose.

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