Q My partner spends a good deal of time seeking out pictures of very young girls to masturbate to. Nothing illegal, he says, but still...
He admits to having a 20-year-plus addiction to porn, and with that particular addiction, he says, comes the need to continue upping the taboo factor in order to get off. I can understand the natural escalation from traditional porn to something more risque, and I'm fine with him watching chicks with dicks defecate in each other's mouths until his eyes bleed, because those she-males are consenting adults.
Eight-year-old girls, however, are innocents preyed upon by pedophiles and people with child-lust disorders, in my opinion, and I think a rational adult, even in the throes of sexual whimsy, should recognize that boundary and not cross it. My question is this: Is it considered typical sexual behaviour for a guy who's really into porn to seek out YouTube videos of 10-year-old ballerinas without having any kind of pathological inclination toward pedophilia? —He Says I've Turned Into My Born-Again-Christian Mother
A "Whimsy" is not a word I would associate with your boyfriend's sexual interests or porn-viewing habits.
Your partner is chock full o' shit, HSITIMBACM, as my own experiences with porn demonstrate: I've been consuming gay porn for 20-plus years now, and I have yet to "escalate" to YouTube videos of 10-year-old boys doing whatever it is 10-year-old boys do in the videos they upload to YouTube. (Are they jumping on trampolines? Lighting their farts? Writing Sarah Palin's Facebook status updates? I don't know because I've never checked.)
Backing up: It's usually duly closeted members of the religious right who run around claiming that porn consumers seeking new thrills quickly progress from softcore to hardcore to kink to kiddie to kids. I believe your partner---lying piece of shit that he is---has latched on to the rhetoric and reasoning of antiporn crusaders because (1) he doesn't want to take responsibility for his actions ("Woe is me, the helpless porn addict...") and (2) he has no intention of stopping.
Hopefully your partner hasn't "escalated" to actual kiddie porn yet, and is only repurposing the odd ballet-recital video. But his attempts to rationalize and shift blame---to say nothing of his efforts to convince you that you're the one with the problem---are ominous warning signs. His is the kind of deeply fucked up, sociopathic reasoning you hear from guys who are consuming actual child porn and/or raping actual children.
Your boyfriend has a problem, not you; he needs help, not YouTube.
Q Here's what happened: I just had sex with a street hooker. Here's how it happened: After cleaning her hands with alcohol-based lotion, she jerked me off with her hand. Then when I came, she rubbed the head of my penis all over one of her cheeks. It felt wonderful. When we were cleaning up, I saw she had something on her face. She said she had been injured in a fight with a screwdriver some days ago, and although there was no blood on this "sore," or whatever it might be called, she had removed a crust from it earlier on, before meeting me. This sore was not open, so there was no visible blood, but it was somewhat raw. My question is, what risk of STIs is there? —Can't Relax Unsafe-Sex Tension
A You had me at "fight with a screwdriver," CRUST; there was really no need to include that detail about the crust. The odds that you contracted a sexually transmitted infection from your sex worker are very small. Unless the head of your cock had been reduced to a raw and bloody pulp by that handjob, and unless there was blood seeping out of her sore, it's unlikely that her blood got into your bloodstream and, therefore, highly unlikely that you contracted anything more serious than a desire to inspect future hires for puncture wounds. If anyone was at risk in the situation you described in such colourful detail, CRUST, it was her, the sex worker who foolishly rubbed your semen into an open sore.
Q My wife left me a few weeks ago because she discovered an affair that I had a few years ago, ended, and then kept from her. In the years since the affair, I recommitted myself to our marriage and became a more attentive husband. My wife is hurt and furious, and for weeks would only call me to talk about getting a divorce. Three nights ago, my wife told me she is pregnant. She still wants a divorce, but she also wants our child to grow up in a stable environment, so she says she will forgive me to an extent so we can have an amicable relationship for the sake of our child. Last night, I went over to her new apartment and we had the first decent conversation we've had in months. She promised me that I can be a very active part of our child's life, which basically means I have an all-access pass into her life, too.
I love my wife and miss her so much. I want to be a good father and do what's right for my child. In part, I think that means staying married to my wife. Would it be wrong or immoral of me to use our child as an excuse to spend more time with her in the hopes that we can reconcile? For the next seven months, I can go with her to doctor appointments, Lamaze classes, baby stores---to say nothing of when our child arrives. Or would that be irresponsible? --Can't Handle A Divorce
A As reconciling with the wife would be in the best interests of your soon-to-be-born child, CHAD, spending more time with the wife in the hopes of reconciling would be the moral and responsible thing to do. Just don't be sneaky about it, CHAD, as the wife clearly doesn't appreciate your sneaking around.
Q I've been spending my summer vacation reading through the Savage Love archives. Do you ever hear from any of those people again, telling you how things resolved? —Inquiring Mind
SAVAGE LOVE »
posted by DAN SAVAGE, Jan 19/17
Dan tackles a few very particular and extreme fetishes, including ear sex, homelessness and suicide. comments 0
SAVAGE LOVE »
posted by DAN SAVAGE, Jan 12/17
What should I tell the dancers if my junk is locked up? Plus: My straight boyfriend wants me to call him a gay slur. comments 0
SAVAGE LOVE »
posted by DAN SAVAGE, Jan 5/17
Keep it subtle when you’re hiring escorts and taking your cam-girlfriend to parties. Plus: Alternative places to meet people. comments 0
SAVAGE LOVE »
posted by DAN SAVAGE, Dec 22/16
Dan digs into his Christmas Spectacular mailbag to pull out some of the things he couldn’t answer live. comments 0
SAVAGE LOVE »
posted by DAN SAVAGE, Dec 15/16
Searching for answers in a pre-Trump America, including tips on how to survive his presidency. comments 0
SAVAGE LOVE »
posted by DAN SAVAGE, Dec 8/16
If you’re just out of a bad relationship, here are some steps to getting back into the game of life. Plus: Dick pics. comments 0
You'll be hard pressed now to ban coal in generating electricity! Upon his inauguration, one…
The $120 million damage claim seems outrageously large, considering that municipality's assessors priced the same…
Another factor Halifax Council must address is the near monopoly one large Nova Scotia company…