February 11, 2010 Life & Style » Love and Sex

        
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Grocery store aphrodisiacs

Folklore says love potions are available at the market. Mairin Prentiss and a willing assistant test-drive some supposed stimulants

by Mairin Prentiss

OYSTERS

Casanova’s ace-in-the-hole for bedding the ladies, oysters are chock-full of zinc, which increases libido for both genders. My sources suggested novices fry ’em instead of eating them raw, but either way most of our energy was spent on the half-hour struggle just to pry them open. Potent, perhaps not; but delicious nonetheless.

Results: Listlessness due to abundance of butter and breadcrumbs.

BLACK TRUFFLES

The young man and I bravely stumbled home all liquored up one night and popped the musky fungus back. Having the combined aroma of chocolate, almonds and earth, I thought it couldn’t be half-bad. However, my hypothesis was incorrect. I scurried off to the bathroom nearly hurling in disagreement. I learned later that one is supposed to use sparing shavings of truffles when cooking rather than just eating them. Sound advice.

Results: A-go! Though the alcohol may have had its hand in helping.

FIGS

This yonic tonic has long been associated with fertility and love largely due to its suggestive lady-shape. But eating figs gave me with a burning sensation in my throat more so than anywhere else. Maybe I’m allergic to love.

Results: Figuratively speaking, the homefires had burned down to embers.

NUTMEG

In small amounts, nutmeg is said to ramp up the libido. A couple of tablespoons more and you’ll be as high as a kite. (During a prison stint Malcolm X relied on smuggled nutmeg when marijuana supplies ran low.) We stirred a half teaspoon into tea just to keep things tame and safe.

Results: Nil on the nut.

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