Q I'm a 24-year-old male, married three years, monogamous. My wife and I are religious and were both virgins when we got married. I'm sexually frustrated with two things. 1. How can I get her to give me oral sex? (She has never given and I have never received oral sex. I regularly give her oral sex.) She is afraid to try it, saying she's not ready yet. About every six months, I bring it up and it leads to a fight. She is a germophobe, but I think she believes fellatio is done only in porn. 2. I feel like I'm always giving and never receiving any type of affection: massages, kisses, caresses, you name it. It's like having sex with a sex doll—no reciprocation. How do I broaden our sex life without making her feel like we're in a porno? —Sexually Frustrated
A If you don't already have children—you don't mention kids—please don't have any, SF, at least not with your first wife.
You're a religious person, SF, a lifestyle choice I don't fully understand. But you're also a sexual person, and that I do understand. And if you want a lifelong, sexually exclusive and sexually fulfilling relationship, then you must prioritize sexual compatibility during your search for the second Mrs. SF. Because your next marriage is likelier to survive for the long haul if you're partnered with someone who is attracted to you physically and is aroused—roughly speaking—by the same sex acts, positions and fantasies you are.
In other words: Don't marry someone and hope she likes sucking your dick. You tried that, and it didn't work. Find someone who likes sucking your dick and marry her.
Q I'm a straight woman in my early 30s, and I just don't like receiving oral sex. I love giving blowjobs and can orgasm from PIV sex, but I seem to be one of the few women who don't enjoy guys going down on me. I'm not uncomfortable—it doesn't get me off. I also get wet easily, so it's not like I need it as foreplay. As I've gotten older, and the guys I sleep with have gotten older, it seems like most want to spend lots of time down there. I've tried being upfront about not liking it in general, but guys either get offended or double down and do it more because they assume I've never been with a guy who "could do it right." Any ideas? —Needs Oral Preference Explainer
A The observation you make regarding older straight guys—older straight guys are more enthusiastic about going down on women—is something I've heard from other female friends. They couldn't get guys to go down on them in their 20s, and they can't get guys in their 30s and 40s to stop going down on them. The obvious solution to your dilemma, NOPE: Only fuck guys in their 20s.
Q I'm a 24-year-old female who met my 26-year-old boyfriend five months ago through Fetlife. We do not share the same fetish, but we have other overlapping interests and he is lovely, smart and funny. He has a diaper and incontinence fetish. Not my jam, but I'm GGG. The issue: He has the most one-dimensional sexuality I have ever seen. He can get off only in the missionary position, with a diaper under us and with incontinence dirty talk. Even with all of the above, its difficult to get him to orgasm. And it's only very recently that we've been able to have penetrative sex—since he was used to getting off with his hand and a diaper—always with diapers under us and with lots of pee talk. But there's only so long I can talk about losing control and peeing myself before I lose interest in the activities at hand. I do not mind getting him off this way sometimes, but this does absolutely nada for me and it's the only way he gets off.
He's otherwise an amazing person, but I'm getting frustrated. We've talked about how my needs aren't being met, and he claims he's done vanilla before and managed to satisfy his partners. I've yet to experience it myself, however, and I'd really like to be able to enjoy some vanilla sex—let alone my kinks!—with him! —Please, I'm Sexually Saddened
A Your lovely, smart boyfriend is a lousy, selfish lay, PISS, and you two aren't sexually compatible. DTMFA.
Q I am a 26-year-old guy and I have an overwhelming foot fetish. I cannot help but think about the male foot every hour of every day. I often find myself pushing boundaries with attractive male friends and acquaintances to satisfy my urges, which has caused me a lot of stress and anxiety. I'm obsessed with the idea of offering some of my friends foot massages, but I don't know how to bring it up, given my mixed experiences. A lot of people think of foot rubs as intimate and believe they should be restricted to romantic relationships.
While I've been lucky on very random occasions, I've had some fuckups. I asked a gay friend whether he would like a foot massage, but he declined—and while he was polite about it in the initial exchange, he has since ignored me. I asked a straight guy, and he considered it but never followed through, and I feel weird about asking him again. I told another straight guy who was shocked that I would ever ask him such a thing, but he still talks to me and makes light of the incident. Whereas another guy unfriended me on Facebook after I messaged him and told him I liked his feet. What should I do? Is there a proper way to ask to rub someone's feet? It's not like I'm asking to suck on people's toes. —Crazed About Lads' Feet
A You remind me of those straight guys who send unsolicited dick pics to women they barely know—they don't do it because it never works, they do it because it works on rare/random occasions. But you have to ask yourself if those rare/random instances when an attractive male friend allowed you to perv on their feet—the handful of times you've gotten a yes—are worth the sacrificing of all the friendships you've lost.
Foot rubs are a form of intimacy, particularly when performed by foot fetishists, and you've gotta stop pestering your hot friends about their feet. There are tons of other foot fetishists out there—most male, loads gay, tons online. Go find some fellow foot pervs and swap rubs with them.
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posted by DAN SAVAGE, Oct 20/16
A reader suggests the conversation we have with our daughters about terrible men be dubbed The Trump Talk. comments 0
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Advice for the aged, including tips on how to find a younger woman, pleasing your porn-obsessed lady and cuddle buddies. comments 0
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posted by DAN SAVAGE, Oct 6/16
I can’t solve my recurring vulva problems! Plus: I’m a lady who loves biking but not crotch pain. Can you help? comments 0
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posted by DAN SAVAGE, Sep 29/16
If you’re sure it was a mistake, maybe keep it to yourself. Plus: Is my boyfriend’s online behaviour racist? comments 0
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posted by DAN SAVAGE, Sep 22/16
Whether you’re a twentysomething teacher or closeted 64-year-old gay man, it’s totally possible! Dan shows you how. comments 0
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posted by DAN SAVAGE, Sep 15/16
Dan fields readers’ personal requests to porn stars and Instagram celebrities. comments 0
city mouse - I listed national leaders
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Joeblow: and Kellie Leitch...