Here is a list of terrible things about this movie: 1. Woody Allen plays a pimp. 2. Sofia Vergara. 3. Sharon Stone, still beautiful, needing to a. hire a gigolo while b. wondering aloud if she’ll get AIDS. 4. A visual palette of cigarette-stain yellow. 5. A subplot about Hasidic Jews that is supposed to be meaningful despite Bob Balaban standing there in a baseball cap. John Turturro wrote this movie, clearly in 1987, when he was a hot young actor hanging out with Allen, Spike Lee and the Coens. Now he is 57, and it took him this long to make Fading Gigolo—10 bucks says its original title was Gigolo—which he also directed and unwisely stars in as Fioravante, a quiet, “soulful” dude who turns to tricks to make money. All the ladies tell him repeatedly how good he is at sex. He falls in love with Avigal (Vanessa Paradis), a widowed Hasidic Jewish lady he can’t be with anyway. Conundrum! Not really. Tone-deaf, ugly to look at and don’t forget Sofia Vergara is also there, Fading Gigolo is one man’s tribute to himself, decades too late.