Don’t miss this one-time-only offer! For a limited time, get your rocks off for peace. Act now. This deal won’t last long.
The date is December 22, winter solstice. Book it in your calendar and here’s the plan: all men and women are supposed to have an orgasm while concentrating on world peace. You can do it any time during that 24-hour period (and you ought to try especially hard if you live in a country with weapons of mass destruction).
This “synchronized global orgasm” should, if all goes according to the hopes and plans of the folks at www.GlobalOrgasm.org “effect positive change in the energy field of the Earth.”
To the nut: orgasm = peace.
The thought makes me squirm.
What’s troubling isn’t wishing for peace, of course. It’s that people might think they can jack off once, and then literally and figuratively wash their hands assuming they’ve done their part ending aggression.
Am I a sex cynic? No. I believe in the power of orgasm.
People seek far and wide for the big O. Orgasms drive people to spend money, risk disease, forget school work. Orgasm is powerful. But my scheduled five minute solstice Friday foray on top of the bedclothes isn’t going to give George W Bush second thoughts about “staying the course” in Iraq, no matter what GlobalOrgasm.org founders Donna Sheehan and Paul Reffell wish (they’re the duo behind the Baring Witness global peace demonstrations, which saw worldwide activists lie naked in fields spelling out “Peace”).
The problem with this orgasm scheme is not that individual actions can’t have global scope, nor that one-off events can’t be consequential. Buy local food, become a literacy tutor at your nearest library branch and walk to work instead of driving and you make positive change.
It’s not that tonnes of people orgasming on the same day might not affect global energy. The earth may well move December 22 (Princeton University’s Global Consciousness Project is going to record data on the event to figure that out, and if you visit noosphere.princeton.edu and can figure out how they plan to do it, I’d be tickled pink to be let in on that delicate knowledge).
My beef doesn’t stem from ignorance, either. I believe in the benefits of traditionally incalculable aspects of well-being, such as knowing one’s neighbours, feeling secure in one’s job, seeing public art, knowing there are bulbs planted in the backyard that will bloom in spring and, yes, orgasms.
My problem with coming for peace lies here: this global orgasm plot is spreading like porn spam. It’s everywhere. And I’m worried that if people get on board with this thing they’ll feel like they’re actually doing something about peace when they’re not.
Screwing isn’t doing your part. Violence and aggression are largely political; it takes political engagement to counter them. Start by voting, for god’s sake. Try writing a letter. It’ll take less time than a good fuck.
Orgasming for peace—mass orgasming for peace, even—may be nice. It may add “concentrated and high-energy positive input into the energy field of the Earth.” So by all means, if you want to get your rocks off December 22, do. I’ll join you. And I’ll think about peace while I do it.
But not because it’s a solution. A global orgasm is barely a means of introducing the concept of peace. The notion has scarcely a hope of initiating a meaningful conversation about real ways of changing our world for the better. It’s well-meaning gimmickry.
It’s a quickie. And not in the good sense of the word.
participating in the global o? Email: email@example.com
posted by LEZLIE LOWE, Jan 7/10
In which your faithful columnist announces her retirement, but not in a retiring way. With a last poke at readers and a trenchant Brittany Murphy reference, she shows all of us something about making a graceful exit. comments 11
posted by LEZLIE LOWE, Dec 31/09
Those horribly un-stylish Christmas gifts you received have to go somewhere, and Denise McDonald will be forgiving. comments 0
posted by LEZLIE LOWE, Dec 17/09
Both artist and technician, Wayne Doucet brings old-school skill to that most important of tasks. comments 0
posted by LEZLIE LOWE, Dec 3/09
Opening at eight o'clock, the new Seaport Farmers' Market will open far too late for these "beyond early" risers. comments 15
posted by LEZLIE LOWE, Nov 19/09
Toll booth worker Joyce MacIsaac takes your money, lets you slide on the last diem and sees what's going on in your backseat. comments 5
posted by LEZLIE LOWE, Nov 5/09
Some people refuse to get themselves and their children vaccinated against H1N1. One explains why. comments 112
No but people who post ACTUAL racist and sexist things are, in fact, racist and…
Oh yeah because everyone who share's a different political viewpoint from your own has to…
Perhaps one elected board for the province would suffice. Wouldn't this be a clearer path…