After two and a half years of patience and understanding, you decided to call it a day because you were "confused" and "liked" someone else. Isn't that just fantastic? Your jealousy, condescending nature and selfishness that you were so good at hiding suddenly reappeared after all the sacrifices I made for you.

I wish I knew why I was so patient, but all I can say is I am glad you put me out of my misery now rather than later. Best part is, you're still confused, and you call me everyday. Why? It just hurts us even more. You drink all the time now and hangout with people that are just as confused if not more confused than you are. Good job. I tried, and tried, and tried to get you out of your eclectic funk, but baby, it just didn't work. That counselor that the doctor ordered for you, oh yeah, didn't happen either. You couldn't be bothered to call her. Oh wait.. you just forgot her phone number, again, good job.

I hope you and K have wild crazy sexy time and tell each other that you love each other, even though you both know you're just searching for the next best thing. Oh yeah. Baby. I forgot. Your diet you were on, well it just moved the stuff from your tummy to your bum and love handles. Sorry for letting you know now, if I had told you when we had been dating, you would've yelled at me for hours. Those treat binges, enlarged hipbones and overly enlarged emotional rages just aren't that attractive to me anymore... Sorry. —Growley